Hahahaha, I have got to try that.

 

I may not have been the brightest boy is school, but I was always curios about things. I ionce stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went.


Then,,,,,
it dawned on me.

 

I have a fried who has gotten himself addicted to brake fluid. He says no,,,,, he can stop anytime.

 

Pharmacist's morning/ too funny

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist.
He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.
I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.

This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and
started waiting on these people, all the time the darn
phone was ringing off the hook ."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels
against the cash register drawer to make change, and
they spilled all over the floor
I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up
the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came
up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which
made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch
of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and
I finally got back to answer it.

It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And believe me, mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.

 

Got cabin fever. I seem p!issed at everything these days.




You know, in life it's real important to stop and smell the roses. I can only remember to do this in the winter time, when the roses are hiding. So what I do is get real drunk and see how fast I can drive without hitting something.

 

Franc. Glad to see you still "got it"...lol...Carl

 

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

 

Q14. If you have a mothball in one hand & a mothball in your other hand, what do you have? *A very large moth.

 

His flight request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot,
"Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides".
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN',
he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,
'So, what you're telling me, is, You're NOT my flight instructor?'

 

Ok, now this is a POST.

 

If Sigmund Freud was still alive, he'd be salivating to get to this one :

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=573247289483784

 

This one is from our old friend retired in Vermont.




A farmer pulls a prank on Easter. He sneaks in to the hen house and replaces all the white eggs with coloured ones.


Later the Rooster comes in and sees them. Old fella goes postal.


He stalks out mad as hell and beats the crap out of the Peacock.

 

So I followed someone's advice and danced like no one was watching......





My court date is pending.

 

THIS JUST IN;;;;;




ALIENS REFUSE TO DO CROP CIRCLES IN GMO FIELDS.


" IT'S JUST TOO RISKY!"

 

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy and that she will have go sit in the back.
The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde and I have learned to speak 'blonde'!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."

 

syfi....priceless lol!!!!!!!...Carl

 

 

Franc. I see your're in still in true form...lol...Carl

 

I shall leave out the photo's............








A Tip from an Old Man .....
























When you see a woman .. . ...








And want her badly . . .








Please consider the following . ... .




























No matter how beautiful she is . . ...

























No matter how sexy she is . . ...

























No matter how seductive she is . . ...










































No matter how huge her breasts are ... . .












































I've completely forgotten where I was going with this...








That happens when you get older.








Sorry if I wasted your time!
__________________

 

Haha haha haha haha
So you must not be very old ;P