Don't take this the wrong way, but...
I've read this thread- from your first post to your last (just before my reply).
You say you usually end up breaking things.
You say you can't remove the windshield wipers.
You say you're going to do some mods.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE RESULTS!!!
Woo hoo... what tools are you using - a can opener and a hammer?