my high school was so poor, they taught driver’s education and sex education in the same car,

 

There is good reason why single women are thinner than married women.

Single women come home and see what's in the Fridge and then go to bed.

Married women see what's in the bed and then go to the fridge

 

 

A man and his dog were walking along a road.

The man was enjoying the scenery when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," .......the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump," said the man.

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, and then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered,

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? ......Nope. That's Hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?".........."No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

 

I no longer worry about getting older.
At 75 I can still do dumb ****.

It's just happening a bit slower now.

 

Ain't THAT the truth! Seems that way lately for me He he he he he....


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Women say the clitoris is the hardest thing for a man to find.

I beg to differ..

 

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I was once very young and very poor. So, I worked hard all of my life and find that now, I am no longer young.

 

Can One Die From Playing On The Floor With Their Grandkids?

Because I Just Got Up From There, and It Sure Feels Like That Could Happen.

 

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Some mods still installed.

Low miles, only used from time to time.




DeLorean Engine

V8 DeLorean

 

Imagine how scary it must have been back in the old days. Leaving the safe comfort of home and going out into the world with no way to call for help if something happened.


People back in the 80's, with no cell phones, were sooooooooo brave!

 

There were phone booths when you could find them, if you had change in your pocket and if they worked.

 

Timeline, mid 70's. Place, McGuire AFB, NJ. Was an NCOIC of a shop 4 military 3 civilians. Commander (in his infinite wisdom) decided to have issued to all NCOIC's assigned, a Motorola (registered tm) pocket pager (about 1/2 the total size of a cigarette pack). This pager had a top mounted button that stretched across the entire pager. When it went off, we were instructed to call in to a number for instructions. About 5 or 6 months later (the military ALWAYS wants to spend OPM), so they 'upgraded' to the later version (same size BUT it had an LCD screen on top with a much smaller button on the top to the right of the LCD screen). This screen would 'scroll' (verb) a message of various characters, so you could be 'directed' to call a specific number (upwardly improvable/improved?). Those things went off at ALL HOURS of the day or night and were not-so-affectionally known as a 'Strap-On Hemorrhoid' (which I take credit for developing that phrase) because every time it went off, it was a pain in the ***! Since then, I vowed to NEVER own a mobile/cell phone (and to this day with all the pressure of families/media/phone pimps), have stuck to my guns regarding this mass hysteria of being available 24/7 that has overtaken society and seems to now be a necessity(?). A simple local land-line phone (yes, wires to a phone inside a home, I know, shocking!), without any long-distance free phone calls, with an answering machine, is all we ever need. That is how we deal with the outrageous cost of the always improving (seemingly every 6 months or so) higher cost of this 'technology' that has infected all of society. There should be a drive by everyone to divorce themselves of this implied 'necessity', electronic cancer of society! CRUSH YOUR PHONES NOW AMERICA & WORLD!

There, I said it, and meant every word of the last sentence! I should make this a 'survey' here! LMAO!


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Phone booths? man they were few and far between. What we had were CB radios!

But I think you missed my point altogether. I mean who then had roadside assistance at the touch of a button wherever you broke down?

 

I have put a lot of thought into this,,,;
And,
I just don't think being an "adult" is gonna work for me

 

Thoughts to Ponder.......

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

 

My roadside assistance when I broke down was two legs, two arms and a strong back. I'm from Overland Mo. and when I was a kid, we didn't even have a phone at home.