Cute......

 

Don't forget to turn back your clocks this Sunday Morning. DST is over for the year.


I won't make the mistake of telling all to reverse the polarity on the battery so the heat comes on instead of the AC.. Although I still wonder why no one makes an inexpensive thermostat that doesn't have to be told to cool in summer, and to heat in winter.


With that said, here is my rant about DST
We go through this every year. DST does NOTHING!!!!

It does force us to lose an hour of sleep every spring which we all take as a "BONUS" come fall. It's no different than having the government take your taxes out of the paycheck every week and then making you wait until spring the following year to get back your own money as some sort of a "BONUS"

It is an artificial "perk" for the middle class who has no idea how they are being manipulated and cheated.

to Wit,,,;
Every spring we all give up an hour to the DST...Ever wonder where do all those hours go? I'm betting there is a humongous, nondescript metal building in Nevada where they ae stored by the government, who holds them all summer long. I have no idea WHAT they do with them.

What I do know is that, come fall, they give them back to all who have survived the summer.

What happens to the hours belonging to those off us who, sadly, have passed this world before they got those precious hours back?

NO ONE KNOWS

I believe the government sells them on the open market next to the booths selling Carbon Credits. Call me Batsh!t crazy but, when it comes to the logic of DST, it is the only scenario that makes any sense.
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In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bull**** stories.

 

I finally solved the problem of a good cup holder. You are all welcome to use this idea.


https://serve.cdntik.com/wp-content/...6b773298ec.jpg

 

BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.

SECRET
A story you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES
Something other people have....similar to my character lines.

OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
. . . And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!

 

Here's another trick fromthe Doctor to test your skills...Can you meet this challenge?
We've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time we've seen it with numbers.
Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind.
And better than that: Alzheimer's is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets
anywhere near you!

7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY
W17H0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15!
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.

To my 'selected' strange-minded friends: If you can read the following paragraph,
forward it on to your friendswith 'yes' in the subject line. Only great minds can read this.
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid, too.
Can you raed this? Olny 55 people out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is
that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and
you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos
not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

 

Funny, that's how I used to right bfor auto collect...

 

Yes, I was able to read the whole message.

.

 

LOL I've always been a crappy speller so this was right up my alley I looked at it for a second or two then was able to read it out loud with no hesitation.😜

 

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,
“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says.
“We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

“Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.

I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

“Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.”

 

Positive Attitude

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.

The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your *****, then?"

And that, my friends, is a real Positive Attitude!!

 

Now now that my friends is being in the right State of Mind 😉

 

Every man wants to marry a nympho-maniac.


The problem is that after a few years, the nympho leaves...;




And the maniac stays.

 

I went to the liquor store last Friday. It was such a nice day I rode my bicycle.


I bought a bottle of scotch and placed it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, it occurred to me that if I were to fall, the scotch bottle might break.


SO,,,;


I drank the scotch before I cycled home.


This turned out to be a very good decision on my part because, as it happens, before I got home I fell off the bike seven times.

 

DID YOU EVER WAKE UP AND KISS THE PERSON SLEEPING NEXT TO YOU, JUST GLAD TO BE ALIVE?


I JUST DID,,,;
AND,
APPARENTLY WILL NOT BE ALLOWED AGAIN ON THIS AIRLINE

 

Ahhh..... The Golden Years

 

 

 

I'm a little slow and even I know that isn't a good idea! ....................

 

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