Speaking of cops giving tickets...
A man was speeding down the interstate when he passed a cop hiding behind a billboard watching for speeders... The cop pulls the man over and walks over to his car and asks him for his license and registration. The officer then asks why he is going so fast down the interstate. The man says "I am in a hurry to get to work. I have a very urgent appointment with a patient." The cop replies "Just what do you do for a living?" The man says "I am a doctor, and specialize in ******* streching" Puzzled, the Officer says "what is as*hole streching?" "Well" the man replies "basically what I do is, I take an as*hole, place a finger inside. Wiggle it around until I can fit a few more, and streach it further until I can get both hands inside. Then I pull the as*hole until it is over 6 feet in legnth." The cop gives a shocked look on his face and says "What does someone do with a 6 foot as*hole?" The man says, "apparently they give them a radar gun and put them behind billboards."
Sorry... couldn't resist.
Ok, Ok, one more.
A cop was standing on the corner of a street when at the next intersection a car pulled up to the stopsign and rolled through... The officer stepped into the street and waved the car to park by the side of the road. The cop asks "license and registration please!" The driver replies "What's the problem?" Cop; "You just ran a stop sign... did you not see it?" The driver angerily said back "Oh, come on, there was not another car anywhere nearby... even now the roads are deserted!!!" The cop replied "You still should have come to a complete stop... it IS the law." The driver yelled back, "Ahh you gotta be kidding me!!!" "Its not a joke" the cop said. "Look, I slowed down, and looked around, I didn't see anyone, so I slowly went through!!... " The cop said, "You still need to come to a complete stop at a stop-sign... so if you could... please give me your license and reg..." The driver yells back "What are you doing just standing around here anyways? You have a lot of freetime... are all the doughnut shops closed or something?!?!"
The cop shot a glance at the driver and said "Sir, I'll overlook that comment if you would give me your license and registration right now!" The driver yelled back, "OK, I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down and coming to a complete stop!!!" By this point the officer had taken enough and said "I will do you one better!" and dragged the driver out of his car and began beating him with his billyclub. After about 10-15 good whacks the officer said "Now...Sir.? Would you like me to slow down? or come to a complete stop??"