I have to propose an alternative (briefly outlined by Wes already):

6. Crossfire Groupie. So badly wants one, but can't have one (yet), he'll do ANYTHING or say ANYTHING to get us to think he is kewl when (if) he finally does get one and shows up at a group event.


Actually, this sounds too much like so many government pork barrel programs. Lofty goal that cannot be achieved (a premise that cannot be proved or disproved), yet costs us millions (and no guarantee you won't keep asking us for more millions to produce nothing!).