I was telling a mate about my dillema and it reminded him of a joke I though I would share.

A tractor salesman was travellng around the outback and thought he would call in on a farmer who he had never been able to convince to buy a new tractor, as he was just happy to putt around on his old massey ferguson.

He drove the couple of K's down his dirt track driveway and noticed the farmer sitting on his front verandah. The farmer greeted him and offered him a seat and a beer. They exchanged small talk for a little while and the salesman said. "Any possiblity of selling you a tractor today?" to which the old farmer said "maybe, let me tell you a story"

the farmer continued "I was out the back shed milking daisy the house cow, I sat down on my stool put the pale under to old girl and started milking. I was there for about 10 minutes had a few inches of milk in the bottom of the pale when the old girl kicked the pale over. I set it back up and gave her a couple of more squirts and she did it again. to stop her doing it again I grabbed a piece of rope and tied one leg to the side of the shed. I set myself back up sat down then she kicked the pale over with the other leg. This means war I thought and decided to tie the other leg to the other side of the shed."

"That would have fixed it" said the salesman "not quite" said the farmer and he continued with the story.

"I sat back down on my stool and started milkin'. I was there for about 5 minutes before her tale came hurtling around copped me in the head, I went *** over and kicked the pale on my way down. Angrily I got another piece of rope, tied one end to her tail and another to a rock and threw the rock up onto the roof of the shed"

"The would have done the trick" said the salesman "Well this is where you might help me" said the farmer.

The farmer continued "Before getting back to the milking I need to do a pee so I flopped out the old fella and did a pee down the side of the shed. Just as I was finishing and putting the wedding tackle back in my pants the missus came around the corner'

"Now if you can convince my missus that I'm not ******** that cow. I'll buy that tractor !!!! "