My understanding is you are building layers of reflectivity, the wax/polish are not absorbed. You should build up thin layers. When you clay bar the surface ( the first thing you should do) it removes contaminates that sit on the surface of the paint which end up making the paint look dull. So that is the basis from which you should start. Most all of the wax product sites have "how to" sections, Mothers, Meguiars, Zaino and Adams will all tell you the proper way to apply their products. All make great wax products, you have to decide what you are comfortable using. If you are the kind of person who uses a carwash you might as well let the car wash add the wax to your wash. That is NOT the way to go. A nice finish takes time and work on a regular basis. A drive thru car wash will ultimately ruin your finish. I use a Porter Cable buffer. Its idiot proof and I'm an idiot so its perfect for me, again their web site will tell you all you need. You might also try Auto Geeks for detailing tips. There's also a bunch of really nice people here, Mike from Orange, Acrispy, Golfdude, Andrew if you can find him, all of them know far more than I about detailing, I consider them pro's. There are some pics of my efforts in my gallery, the shots with the new wheels were done in April. Good luck.
Pat
p.s. The only time I would ever use dish soap to wash the car is before the first coat of wax and I used Dawn. Its supposed to remove all the old wax so you can start from scratch. After that I use Meguiars Gold Car wash Shampoo. I've tried a number of things and that is the best for my needs.
First time - Dawn wash then Claybar, then a wax/cleaner then a polish product and then a final detail spray. After that I polish once a month, wash once a week followed by a detail spray and clay bar in the fall and spring. My car will never go through a car wash.