Jokes
If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
You only need two tools in life -- WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat -- use the sink.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
For high-blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.