Well, to make a long story even longer, I _FINALLY_ got my darn hood open.

I jacked it up and put it on stands so I had lots of room under it to work, and laid on the floor with the longest screwdriver I could find. I bent the crap out of the forward air dam, but it was flexible and snapped back into place. Alas, I still couldn't reach the mechanism. In fact it was schrouded from underneath - probably to prevent tampering! I did however get a good look at the mechanism.

So I cut up another hanger and went at it from the top - attempting to reach the catch. No success.

As I was fishing around in there, I discovered a small hole in the front of the latch mechanism, and I could see something through the hole. Then I realized that if I stuck a flathead screwdriver in the hole, I might be able to flip the catch.

Sure enough, that's what did it. A normal flathead screwdriver and a flashlight.

Now the hood release is fashionably replaced with the self same hanger, bent around the catch and accessible with a finger when the hood is closed. It's definitely a ghetto solution, but what the heck, its a rusted 112,000 mile car.