I know how you feel. 6 years ago I died twice. Took 8 shocks to get me back the 2nd time. Spend over 9 minutes on the other side. I've survived 14 heart operations (since 94) and 6 weeks in a coma. When I left the Cleveland Clinic I had doctors and nurses clap'n for me. Calling me their poster child. Before being transfered to Cleveland I was in Columbus and my wife was told for 22 straight days that the best thing they could do was to let them make me comfy as possible and to pull the plug. This past March found me back in Cleveland again. They removed what they said was the larest thyroid ever removed from a white man. Before going in for the op I asked my cardiolgist what was my survivial chances. She said None. I begged to please just throw me a bone. She said with your history I can't give you any odds of survivial. The op took 9 hours but I live yet again. Life is so very preicous. Live today as thought it could be your last.