basically it works like this: having been there done that too. All of the assets are communal property, IL may have some small differences, but not all that much. What you brought in your own name is yours, and no accounting needed, but everything bought after the marriage is considered marital property, house, cars silverware etc. All these assets need to be tallied for value, you may gorgo silverware and towels and stuff, but we're talking the big stuff.
So you want the boat and the Cross and the other car. Ok, you don't need to sell the stuff but there are the assets side, and the debt side, who gets what and all that. In my case, the value of all she got was worth about 44 K more than the value of my stuff. She the house, mine my new truck, etc. After all that tallied with the debt I owed, and she owed, there was 44K to me to balance, so she paid me 22K for basically getting more or better stuff than I did. reduced he balance sheeet by 22, increased mine and everyone's even. As good as it gets. so you want the stuff, then you get to pay her share of the balance sheet somehow in it.
It's an ugly time. My first wife and I don't speak, and that's really a good thing for both of us. Do EVERYTHING you can to ensure alienation, especially of you with the kids does not occur. You might not be able to stop that. In my case I wasn't, her influence was too great, but after 10 years my feelings are alot less raw about it. My kids are all adults and they get to have their life as they want it. Cold hearted to say, but by now I am ok with it, although still it shouldn't be that way. My ex in particular went out of her way to eradicate anything and everything that had to do with me, and that had it's toll on the kids, and they couldn't have a relationship with me, in their minds, as it would then be a betrayal to their mom. So I was sacrificed. So be it.
And just so y'all know, I'm the one that walked, not for another woman or anything else except I couldn't stand to live with that crazy ***** anymore.
She had an odd way of looking at the world and was ALWAYS convinced she was right, because why would she believe in anything if it was wrong? Crazy logic indeed. I literally agonized for 5 to maybe 10 years of that 20 year marriage because I was so guilty about leaving the kids, but by then had convinced myself we could get through it with them. I was wrong because I underestimated her bitterness of being dumped.
My wife now of 5 years is a sweetheart, and I would never have had the experience of her if I hadn't had the experience on the dark side. It does take two to do the dance, so own up to your part and you'll get yourself through this so much easier. PM me if you ever want to walk this thru, bro.