I spoke to Kenneth Ford at Ed Voyles CJD in Marietta, GA a few minutes ago and was informed that

THEY WOULD BE HAPPY TO REPAIR MY CROSSFIRE. They have 3 CF techs on staff and have seen my issue before. And they'll fix both of my failed seat heaters, too!

Now, all I have to do is get a hold of "Courtney" and get the car flatbedded to Marietta.

Sheesh...