I started to spend three hours searching old posts, but I figured I'd let someone stretch their "help a Crossfire brother" muscle instead

My boss's son has a 2005 Limited Coupe. Bought it in 2011, has had a few issues here and there but nothing major (most expensive repair was a water pump failure).

He texts me this afternoon with the following message:

Cruise quit working, spoiler won't come down. ABS/ESP warning lights are illuminated. Battery was just tested and is OK. Car runs fine.

Any ideas? Sounds like the BCM took a dump, but maybe it's something simpler?

Thanks all,