OK, I showed up early today with a bag of screwdrivers, torx, wrenches, sockets, pliers, soldering iron (for RCM fix if needed)...
Car still had same symptom, I disconnected battery cable, waited 30 seconds or so, reconnected it, and the lights started flashing again. I hit the unlock button on keyfob and they stopped.
I started car, no issues, BAS/ESM whatever light was on, I rolled the steering back and forth and all was well.
So a 10mm wrench will be permanently in the cubby under the trunk as well as whatever else ends up in there.
I wish I knew what fuse(s) would have accomplished the same thing.