Well boys and girls. The offending component has been identified.
I replaced the BCM with one having the same hardware version and the same software version.
Wipers work. Console lock switch works. Turn Signals work AND the car allowed me to resync the FOB!!! Even the FOB will unlock and lock the doors!

Who knew?! The BCM has its little fingers into much more than suspected.
Now to the next. I noticed while testing the new-to-me BCM that my high beams do not work.
I'm gonna save that for another day, but am open to common causes if you know.
Thanks for your help!!