....and keep it?

(For those of you considering a beginning of the year push to get in shape - here is one
guys account.)

Dear Diary,

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in
great shape since playing football 20 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good
idea to go ahead and give it a try. Called the club and made my
reservation with a personal trainer named Vanessa, who identified herself as a 26 yr
old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife
seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me
to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Vanessa waiting for me.
She was something of a Greek goddess with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! Vanessa gave me a tour and showed me
the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was
alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to
her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in
which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very
inspiring, Vanessa was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is
going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out of the
door. Vanessa made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the
air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Vanessa's rewarding smile made it all
worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush
on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I
have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Vanessa was
impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she
scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts
when I got on the treadmill, so Vanessa put me on the stair monster. Why
the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete by elevators? Vanessa told me it would help me get in shape and
enjoy life. She said some other **** too.

THURSDAY: Vanessa was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as
her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help
being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Vanessa
took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and
hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me
on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate that b*tch Vanessa more than any human being has ever hated
any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic
little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Vanessa wanted me to work on my
triceps I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the
floor, don't hand me the F*C**NG Barbells or anything that weighs more than a
sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and
nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or
the choir director?

SATURDAY: Vanessa left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made
me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight
hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my
wife (the b*tch), will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root
canal or a vasectomy

 

I Have Never Had One But I'm Sure You Might Have Some Suggestions !

 

Are you ever goin to add any mods to that ragtop MI ?

 

Actually, I like the car the way it is. But you never know!