1) WHAT? Push one end, it goes up. Push the other, it goes down. If that is not the case, I'd ask you this: How old is the battery in the car? PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME IT CHECKS FINE, I did not ask that - how old is the battery in the car?

See, there is NO WAY what you are saying is happening can be possible .... unless someone has messed with the wiring in the console. That is, with one exception.

The top switch applies 12 volts to C1-pin 8 of the Top Control Module when you press "close". When you press "open" it applies 12 volts thru a dropping resistor. The TCM compares this dropped voltage with the voltage from the battery to determine in which position you have pressed the switch - up or down. (A stupid design, yes. But it saves one wire and a terminal on the module.) Now, IF battery voltage is low, the TCM may not be able to interpret what it is seeing properly.

IN FACT: A bad battery in these cars causes:
ESP alarms and glitches
No starting problems
Rough idle
odd instrument indications
the spoiler to deploy at odd times - or to refuse to retract
the Radio to act up
The engine cooling fan to run fast when not needed
.... other stuff I can't think of now

The idea that it could also confuse the TCM is not out of the question.

2) If you put the top up manually, WHY are you touching the switch? It sounds like you are TRYING to make it fail -what am I missing here?