A retired man in Florida calls up his son in Texas and says,
"Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced.
Thirty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stay together any longer,” he says.
We argue about everything and it never ends !!
She's lazy and wont ever do anything around this house !!
I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in California and tell her I am done with this marriage !!, and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried and he calls up his sister and tells her about this phone call.
She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately.
"You’re not getting divorced she says" !!!
Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this.
Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper,
DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.
The old man turns to his wife and says: "Okay that worked, they’re both coming here for Christmas and paying their own airfares." LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The weirdest thing happened to me today at work!

Stopped at 7/11 to get a Gatorade and as I pulled in, I noticed these two cops looking at a woman who was smoking while fueling up. I'm thinking "wow, what a moron! She's going to blow us all up!" So I quickly go in to get my stuff and as I was checking out ...I hear someone screaming "look outside." The woman's arm was on fire!!!

She's running around like a chicken with its head cut off, waving her arm around and just going nuts. I went out there as the cops were holding her on the ground and putting the fire out with an extinguisher. After all the craziness, I started walking to my truck and I saw that the cops were putting her in handcuffs. Some dude at the pump next to them was like, "Oh hell no!" I didn't have much time but this guy seemed like a weirdo so I wanted to see if he was going to get himself arrested too!

So this guy asked the cops what they were arresting her for, as if, catching her arm on fire wasn't punishment enough? I kid you not, the cop looked him dead in the eye and said,

"For waving a Firearm"...

Hahaha!!! Gotchya!