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Humor and Clean Jokes

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Old Oct 13, 2021 | 03:10 PM
  #1701 (permalink)  
dedwards0323's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Golf Reunion Every 10 Years

Hal and his best friend grew up together but after college Hal moves to Boston, and his friend moves to Florida. They agree to meet every ten years in South Carolina to play golf.

At age 30, they finish their round of golf and go to lunch. "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Well, you know, they got the broads, with the great bodies, and the tight shorts, and the legs ..."

"OK."

Ten years later at age 40 they meet and play again. "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games."

"OK."

Ten years later at age 50 they meet and play again. "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking."

"OK."

At age 60 they meet and play again. "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Wings are half price."

"OK"

At age 70 they meet and play again. "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."

"OK."

At age 80 they meet and play again. "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"We've never been there before."
 
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Old Oct 13, 2021 | 03:14 PM
  #1702 (permalink)  
dedwards0323's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you're stupid, Larry?” “No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
 
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Old Oct 13, 2021 | 03:17 PM
  #1703 (permalink)  
dedwards0323's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this...

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to Miami. After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $450.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00.

When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for the husband and wife to use.

'But we didn't use them', the man complains.

'Well, they are here, and you could have', explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here', the Manager says.

'But we didn't go to any of those shows', complains the man again.

'Well, we have them, and you could have', the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentions the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!'

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. 'But sir', he says, 'this check is only made out for $50.00.'

'That's correct', says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!', exclaims the Manager.

'Well, too bad', the man replies. 'She was here and you could have!'
 
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Old Oct 13, 2021 | 03:59 PM
  #1704 (permalink)  
dedwards0323's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes


 
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Old Oct 13, 2021 | 04:32 PM
  #1705 (permalink)  
JoeO's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

.......and Business has been so good for Pfizer and Moderna that they hired those same Congressmen......so quickly they didn’t even miss a paycheck.




 
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Old Oct 14, 2021 | 04:55 PM
  #1706 (permalink)  
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes


 
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Old Oct 14, 2021 | 08:20 PM
  #1707 (permalink)  
ala_xfire's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Originally Posted by copperfieldkid

 
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Old Oct 14, 2021 | 09:09 PM
  #1708 (permalink)  
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

 
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Old Oct 15, 2021 | 03:31 PM
  #1709 (permalink)  
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes


 
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Old Oct 15, 2021 | 04:44 PM
  #1710 (permalink)  
GraphiteGhost's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Originally Posted by Franc Rauscher


Been there, done that (although not with this specific one)... CRS rules!


.
 
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Old Oct 15, 2021 | 10:55 PM
  #1711 (permalink)  
ala_xfire's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

I went and checked, pretty sure I have the 11/16 one .........
 
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Old Oct 16, 2021 | 02:26 PM
  #1712 (permalink)  
dedwards0323's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Atheist & Cowboy


 
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Old Oct 18, 2021 | 12:05 AM
  #1713 (permalink)  
Franc Rauscher's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

My problem is, whatever the size I need, that will be the one missing.
 
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Old Oct 18, 2021 | 03:27 PM
  #1714 (permalink)  
dedwards0323's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes


 
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Old Oct 18, 2021 | 03:41 PM
  #1715 (permalink)  
dedwards0323's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Understanding Engineers

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the flag pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.
 
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Old Oct 18, 2021 | 03:41 PM
  #1716 (permalink)  
Franc Rauscher's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

 
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Old Oct 18, 2021 | 04:09 PM
  #1717 (permalink)  
JoeO's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Originally Posted by dedwards0323
2nd Place winner for “Not My Job Award“.........is Delaware Transportation Director, Lesko Brandon.




 
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Old Oct 19, 2021 | 09:18 AM
  #1718 (permalink)  
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Originally Posted by JoeO
2nd Place winner for “Not My Job Award“.........is Delaware Transportation Director, Lesko Brandon.


I can believe it! LOL


.
 
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Old Oct 19, 2021 | 09:31 AM
  #1719 (permalink)  
ala_xfire's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Originally Posted by GraphiteGhost
I can believe it! LOL


.
That was probably the result of some stupid law they passed in California ......
 
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Old Oct 19, 2021 | 10:13 AM
  #1720 (permalink)  
ZERACER's Avatar
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Default Re: Humor and Clean Jokes

Nope, Delaware is not part of California.
 
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