appealing to the varied perspectives, ages, experiences, and wisdom that exist on this forum

my biggest fear of marriage is of losing my attraction to the woman once she is over 45....seen it happen so many times...

 

"Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder"...with that said, there are many, many other attributes that you should consider...looks in my opinion is at the bottom of the list. Remember that she could feel the same about you...health, genetics and lifestyle will dictate how a person will age. Most important in a marriage (IMHO) is that each other truly loves the other and that you can communicate, validate and work together and not try to dominate the other...all other things will fall into place.

 

Easiest way to combat that is to be attracted to something in the woman that doesn't change after 45.


Haven't figured out exactly what that is yet... but I'll find it.

 

easy solution...

wait until you're 60 then marry a 20 year old.

 

Do you plan on having a beer belly at 45?

 

Hah! I have a beer belly at 22. Used it to ward off shallow chicks.

Now that I've been with a true gem for 6 years I no longer have a need for it. Unfortunately, they aren't that easy to get rid of.

 

Think about how you will look after 45, love has nothing to do with looks, you need to stay single...sorry.

 

Now there's one I've never heard before.

If you've been with a true gem for 6 years, why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free? Just kidding in a way. It probably is time to make a decision. At least she's probably telling you that. Especially since tomorrow's V-Day. Get her anything yet?

Oh god, here comes another Dear Abby thread. These things seam to be appearing more frequently these days.

 

V-day would be too predictable. Now, the date that we skipped school together to see a movie 6 year ago and came home lovers... That might work. Still can't remember the movie we saw though.

 

She should see that as a good thing!

 

Coupe Girl is wise beyond her years!!!

 

I am old. 48

 

My mother is still quite beautiful at age 57.

 

i gotta say, that is a strange fear.
one thing that this forum has taught us all is- if your ex calls you to come over and 'talk', don't do it!

 

If you need to ask that do not get married, and grow old alone. I'm sure you will look just like you look now at 45.

 

At time, we learn by examples.
Didn't happen in my family.
My dad is close age with my mom and he never lose his attraction to her.
Hell, he has to pay more attention to mom when they are in public.
Maybe its my mom, even at 45, maintaining herself being the beauty she is.
Maybe its my dad, the husband he is.
Maybe its the zest in marriage life.

Dear Abby

....
....
....

From Fearsome

 

I think you better call Dr Phil.
I think he has a show for you.

 

I was the best man at my friends wedding - Three Times!! - that's no lie..

Why buy the cow when you get....

The only reason to get married (in my very humble opinion) is to raise a family. In a warm family environment, filled with love, watching, mentoring and being a part young people growing and learning will wash out the guts, sags, bags and nags. - - IF - - you both can keep your focus on the family unit...Every successful marriage I have ever seen seems to follow that strategy.

That's not so say you can live a faithful life with your lover - just no need to get married!!

Dr. Brave

3PM EST channel CFF

 

If that is your main reason for not getting married you need to take a close look at yourself. If pyhsical beauty is your no. 1 priority don't get married ! What would happen if, god forbid, she happens to get disfigured in a crash or something ? Are you going to pack your bags ?? I know it sounds bad, but I know someone personally who had this happen to her after she was hit by a drunk driver. being abandoned was worse.

 

Thanks for the replies

I was a little surprised no one likened my query to Scott Baio’s line:

“I am afraid I am going to wake up one day next to her and she’ll look like a man”

While I wish we lived in a world where physical beauty did not influence our actions and feelings, unfortunately it does (witness the various studies demonstrating that more attractive children are LOVED more by their own parents), I am simply taking a cold honest look at this reality (recognizing it cuts both ways since as some of you have recognized I obviously won’t be the same at 45 either)

I was looking for the perspectives of some of the older wiser members of this forum, who have perhaps found some way to overcome this harsh human tendency to focus on the physical, I think the member who pointed out that being surrounded by love in a deeply connected family is best antidote to our physically focused world