................

 

What's the difference between a Woman and a Gun?
..
..
..
......

You can put a silencer on the gun...

 

This is not going to end well for someone...




...oh wait, I'm sure that is what some of you guys are going to her from the ladies in your life...

 

Who cares!

 

DJ....my wife's wedding ring broke the othe day, she emailed me at work and said my wedding ring is broken, when are we going to go shopping. I answered, I don't know because that isn't all that must be broken with you. You think about it, and then we'll talk....lol

 

Doc,

I'll turn down the guest bed for you.
Front door is unlocked.
We'll chat in the morning


roadster with a stick

 

A husband and wife are lying in bed when an escaped con breaks into their house and storms upstairs. He grabs the man out of bed and ties him up to a chair. He then goes over to the wife and kisses her on the neck and goes to the bathroom.

Husband: Honey, that's the escaped con on the news. If he has sex with you let him. Don't complain, just do whatever he wants and maybe we'll get out of this alive. Be strong honey I love you.

Wife: That's not it at all...

Husband: What are you talking about, I saw him kiss you on the neck. He'll be back in any second....

Wife: He never kissed me, he whispered in my ear, "I'm gay and I think you're husband is cute. Where's the vaseline?" I told him it's in the bathroom. I love you honey, be strong.

 

Who cares... I am done! good night

 

+1

 

SWEET TEA HAS ITS ADVANTAGES

A lady enters her doctor's office, all beaten black and blue.
"What happened?" asked her startled physician.

"I just don't know what to do, Doc. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp!"

"Well I've got a real good medicine for that," answered the doctor. "Whenever your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle. That's all you need to do, just keep gargling."

About three weeks later, the lady returns to the physician's office looking bright and fresh and reborn.

"Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I immediately began gargling with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!"

"There now," soothed the doctor, "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"

 

...........

 

A man was riding his Harley Davidson along a California beach when suddenly the sky opened above his head, and, in a booming voice the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord replied, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take. It would nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I...and all men...could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want that bridge two lanes or four?'