Please, guys, its not the seat relay - that is clear from his posts. Please don't admonish him any more about reading the manual - it is clear he is on the right track.
I just don't know a way around this, my car is a base model, so I can't even go out to the garage and see what he's dealing with, as my car has none of this complexity.

You simply must get to those rear bolts. I know of a guy who has moved seats between cars quite often, perhaps he can help. I will message him on Facebook and ask him to drop in here.