Your friend is a dammed genius!
Ah, but how did he adjust the "Rabbit Ears"? LOL

 

 

 

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We all agree reducing any usage in our home is good, right?







Will this do?


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Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you before I give him my answer.”

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 p.m. Dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs. And what's there; a limousine, uniformed chauffeur, and all. Then he takes me out for dinner; a marvelous dinner; lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go to a show. Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much, I could have just died from pleasure! So, then we came back to my apartment. And he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy!!! He tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times!”

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So, you’re telling me I shouldn't go?”

”Edna: "No, no, no ... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

 

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.
He asked her where she was going and she replied: I'm going to Las Vegas.
He asked her why she was going.
She told him, I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free.
He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.
His wife said, And just where do you think you are going?
I’m going too he replied.
Why she asked.
I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year

 

I was in line behind a woman at the post office.
She kept whispering into the envelope she was holding.
I couldn't take it any more and I asked her what she was doing?
She turned, looked me dead in the eye and said...
I'm sending a voice mail

 

A man came home to find his wife in bed with another man. He went straight to his bureau chest top drawer and pulled a pistol which he calmly put to his head.
His wife and her companion looked and him with laughter, and mocked, "What are you doing?"
Don't laugh" he said," you two are next!"

Ba-Dumn-tsss

 

 

r

• Today at 8:25 PM

 

 

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Contemplate this?





Deep.....


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WIFE'S EULOGY - THIS WILL BRING TEARS TO YOUR EYES



A wife's eulogy at her husband's funeral:



“Norman needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was.

They urgently needed to know, to save Norman's life.

Tragically, I had never known his blood type, so

I only had time to sit and say goodbye.

I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was. Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me,

“Be positive, be positive!"



That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."


[img]blob:https://www.crossfireforum.org/0a3fae71-8904-4787-839d-5533fe8951df[/img]

9

 

 

 

GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...I NEVER KNEW THIS!
Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
And that's when he shot her.

 

 

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Underwater pen?










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Lose a sock?





Been there, not done that!


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