There is a new Home COVID-19 test.
First open a can of beer, any brand.
If you can smell it, then taste it.
If you can smell it and taste it you don't have COVID-19. Go ahead and finish the beer.

I tried this 19 times last night and passed every time!

However, this morning, I'm a little worried.
I felt a little queasy and have a huge headache. So I'm gonna test again tonight.
One cannot be too sure.

 

I think I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a s*#t all day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

That made my eyes hurt!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Advice from An Old Farmer
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.


__________________

 

At the point where the minister asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. The moment of utter silence was broken when a beautiful young woman carrying a child stood up.

She starts walking slowly towards the minister. The congregation was aghast - you could almost hear a pin drop.

The groom's jaw dropped as he stared in disbelief at the approaching young woman and child. Chaos ensued.

The bride threw the bouquet into the air and burst out crying.

Then the groom's mother fainted.

The best men started giving each other looks and wondering how to save the situation.

The minister asked the woman, "Can you tell us, why you came forward? What do you have to say?"

There was absolute silence in the church.

The woman replied, "We can't hear you in the back."

 

Pete, and re-pete? Echo, echo... Across the time barrier we travel. The Twilight Zone... 27 Oct and 6 Nov 2020? Been here, have done this... LOL


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I'm 73 and sometimes, standing at the bottom of the steps, I cannot remember if I'm going up or just came down.
Worse, I cannot fathom why?

So, cut me some slack

It has gotten so bad lately, that I keep my name in my wallet with a note from my wife.
"This is Francis. Do not give him candy, Some hot chocolate and a blankie will keep him quiet 'til you can call his mommy."

 

Yeah, its creeping up on me as well, something to look forward to? LMAO! The note IS a GREAT idea, now where is my pen...


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Do You Remeber