Sometimes I procrastinate getting something done.

Sometimes, I procrastinate getting several things done.

It's like Multi-tasking.

I call it multi-procrastination.

It's exhausting!

 

• 3 minutes agoN

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t worry, your probably safe, I’m pretty certain that you’re not on their target list.

 

OKAY smartie pants.
Then explain how I know what happens inside that van..

 

Probably because it’s your daily driver
hahahaha

 

• I remember when GPS on the farm meant a fence post at the other end of the field.

 

How old is too old to act on impulse and jump in a rain puddle?
When you wake up in a tight box with satin covering your face, then its too Damn late to care.

 

A guy suspects his wife is cheating on him so he comes home early from work one day. His wife meets him at the door in a bathrobe, her hair a mess. “Where is he?” he demands. “Where’s the guy who’s been sleeping with you?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, dear,” she answers, so the guy tears the house apart looking for him. Finally he’s on the second floor in the kitchen, he looks out the window and sees a guy sitting in a Volkswagen. “That’s him,” the guy thinks. “That’s the guy who’s been sleeping with my wife!” He’s so furious, he picks up the refrigerator, throws it out the window, has a heart attack, and dies.

St. Peter meets him at the gates of Heaven. “Why are you here?” he asks and the guy answers, “I knew my wife was cheating on me so I came home early. I saw her boyfriend sitting in his Volkswagen out on the street, threw the refrigerator at him, had a heart attack, and died.” St. Peter scowls and says, “You don’t belong here. Go to hell.” He pulls a big lever, a trap door opens, and the guy disappears.

A couple of minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. “What are you doing here?” St. Peter asks and the guy answers, “I don’t know! I was just sitting in my Volkswagen, minding my own business, when somebody threw a refrigerator at me!” St. Peter wags his finger at him and says, “I heard about you. You go to hell too!” He pulls the big lever, the trap door opens, and the guy disappears.

A couple of minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. “What are you doing here?” St. Peter asks and the guy answers, “I don’t know! I was just sitting in a refrigerator, minding my own business…”

 

Despite a sticker price of only $279.00 with phenomenal fuel mileage economy,,,,;

Studies have shown this to be the most expensive vehicle to operate in 2022.



BEVersaCart® Blue Plastic Shopping Cart 5.2 Cu. Ft. Capacity 103-145-DBL-BH

 

A man was bragging to his wife.
"I killed five flies in the kitchen this morning."
"So what's the big deal?" she asked

Well, three of them were males and two were females."

Pondering his answer she asked, " I don't really want to know why but, How could you tell that?"

"Because three were on the beer can, and the other two were on the phone!"

 

Darling? Why are you trying to touch the ceiling with your legs like that?

You don't understand these things Franc. It's yoga and this pose is called, "The Candle."

Does the fact that you just farted have anything to do with it?

It's a scented candle, now go away!

 

Not sure where I saw this My apologies if it was here but I enjoy this one.

Over the last few months I became a victim of a clever scam while shopping at Home Depot. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be very traumatic for me. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 20th, & 29th. Also July 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 23rd, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. Please tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99

 

My wife mentioned "Did you see our new neighbors?"

"Yes, I have. She is very pretty"

"He fusses over her, so romantic. Always strokes her hair, opens the car doors, gives her kisses and rubs her back"

"Yes"

"Why don't you do that?"

"Because I don't yet know her that well."

 

Last year I joined an antisocial support group.

I don't know if it has been of any help at all.

We haven't, as of yet, met.

 

 

I've been trying to eat healthy, cutting out sweets.

Last night I choked on a carrot. It really hurt and I couldn't get my breath.

The wife hit my back real hard and dislodged it. Now my back and throat hurt.

The whole time, all could think of was " I'll bet a donut would not have done that."