For those of you who are "praying types":

My sister is 55, and has had M.S. for years. She is in a wheelchair and has use only (at this time) of her arms. She's been married 28 years - and 'he' isn't really all that helpful. He brought home divorce papers yesterday.

Part of his thinking is that this will make her eligible for medicaid and (since she really can't be alone anymore - if the house caught on fire, she could not get out), maybe get her into a nursing home. Fact is, we have all known that her being at home is not really working anymore.

So, change is coming. Will this bring about the change she needs? Don't know. But he's not doing it JUST to help her - he does not want to take care of her anymore. She told me today - "You have beat yourself up about screwing up the last year of your life. How about reflecting on messing up the last 28?" Her point is that they have not been "happily married" for over 10 years - I didn't know this until recently.
I have offered to take her in here, but that really does not help much - my house could catch fire, too. Also, my house's layout is not really practical for a wheel-chair bound person. And, I can't be the one to help her do certain things.... since I am her brother (you know what I mean).

So, pray as you feel led.

Thanks.

 

I've got you covered, Mark.

 

prayer sent hope things work out for your sister

 

I don't pray, but I will think of her and her situation.

I just have trouble seeing anyone leaving their spouse of many years when things get tough.

" 'Til death do us part" means something to me. Apparently not to some others. Sorry to hear this. I wish her/you the best of luck, bud.

P.S. I hope she hits the Lotto the week after the ******** splits!

 

Thoughts & prayers out to your sister & your family.

 

He wants HER to leave. To be fair to him, he IS taking the house (which there is no equity in), all or most of the bills, etc. He's letting her leave free and clear - but then, she'll only have her $1100 disability to live on.

I have offered her to live here with me, but so far she sees that as "no long term answer". She is, of course, right.

Thanks everyone. Just helps to vent a little. And I don't understand it/him either. What if it was HE who needed help?

I feel helpless/powerless/useless.

 

I too am not the praying type but wish her the best.

Not to be insulting or lite of the situation, but POS' like him make me believe songs like these were meant for them.

YouTube - Pray for You - Jaron and The Long Road to Love :: Official Video


(I gave up posting the YouTube)

 

My best wishes for Sis and her great brother.
Give Sis a hug from all of us!

 

Thoughts and prayers....hope all turns out well!!!!

 

add me to the list, Mark. The vows are called that because they're vows. Supposed to mean something. May I point out however, that even if she is your sister, and you take her in at least for awhile, she is also another human being that while modesty is certainly a virtue, it means nothing when another is in need. So given the circumstances I really do think that that issue is a very insignificant one, and that NO ONE should criticize the effort.

My best to you and to your sister, and worth it or not don't let him get away with anything. See a lawyer to ensure she's protected. 28 years of investment means something too.

 

Consider it done Mark.


Franc and Cathy

 

What a sad thing to do, Best wishes Mark.

 

Wish your sister well. Wish you well also. Sometimes there are no good answers. Just answers that are less bad. Do what you can and don't beat yourself up about it.

 

Uncle AL really said it all - but I thank all of your for your responses, here and in PM's.

Well, tomorrow a decision to move her into a nursing home might be made. Deb really wants a qualified nursing home, at least in the short term. The therapies and support there would really help.

I am hearing a calmness and almost relief in her voice. I think the stress of being around 'him', that is, the END of that stress might make all of this worth while.



Again, thanks to all of you and I'll be flying to Boston and Baltimore in 13 days to look at two "Roadsters with a stick". I was feeling guilty for thinking that I had a "problem" - the problem of looking for a sportscar when I already have one AND when my sister is in a mess like this. But I feel better now - and think I can enjoy my trip when it comes!


Thanks again, all of you.

 

Travel safe and prayers go out to you and your family. God bless.

 

Mark you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Sorry to hear about your sister. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

 

UPDATE 1-24-11

Well, my sister asked to move in with me on saturday. Not sure what to do.
I can't help her with the stuff a HUSBAND would help with (like toileting, hygiene, etc.) and I've got to go to work.

She can't be left alone all day much longer, she is disabled enough that if the house caught fire, she may not be able to get out. (She can't get into or out of bed without help).

Not sure what can be done. I am just now (since it is now MY BUSINESS as to what is going on, since I"ve been asked to help) looking into nursing and assisted living homes.

But, with her disability check (she's been on that since age 40 or so - her M.S. has caused her to not be able to work for about 15 years now) being her only asset, there is not money for a home.

I can't believe that there is no help available for her - I can't spend the money on a nurse or on home care or on modifying this house so she can live here (we are talking about a big remodel of one bathroom and the hallway so her powered wheelchair can get down it, she needs a "roll in" shower, we are talking thousands of dollars - and I've got to do a LOT of stuff to the exterior of this place pretty soon - there is no reserve for the mods needed for her).

Even if I sold one of the cars, I'd only be able to raise about $4,000 - plus the savings in the car payment, which isn't really that much.

 

Wow, this will be one heck of an adjustment for the both of you. Looks like no easy answers in sight, but somehow, it always works out.

But one thing is for sure: at the end of the day, all there is in life is family. And I'm glad that your sister has such a great brother.

All the best. Our thoughts are with you.

 

Pizza - I'd go and check with the Social Security office and talk to them. They have ways that they pay for these types of things nursing homes, visiting nurses etc. especially if she is disabled with no assets. Would't hurt to try anyway. Best of luck to you, Larry