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The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself now, that's the last thing I need.

Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason, details are sketchy.

People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.

 

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and ********'s.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK; everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it.
I said, "Thyroid problem?"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.

 

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

 

The standard distance between ladders rungs has been changed.

When asked, manufacturer's claim it is because Americans are getting taller.

They blame it on "Climb it Change"

 

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic.

What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.

A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.

Q: Dad, are we pyromaniacs?

A: Yes, we arson.

I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.

 

I went line dancing last night.

Well, sorta.

It was a roadside sobriety test. But the same thing, right?

I need bail money

 

I thought this was a joke, but it's real. It's an Australian product, which I guess explains things!

https://www.supercheapauto.com.au/dw...169_hi-res.jpg

 

I used canned ether for years for carbureted engines in cold weather, when the gas wouldn't vaporize or if the car had set for a long time.

 

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Nothing beats ether for waking a cold hard-to-start engine.


.

 

The other day I met someone for the first time who swore they had seen me "somewhere" before. Usually, after scratching our brains for a while we realize in frustration, probably not.

This happens a lot. So, I have developed a strategy that shuts down that nonsense.

I simply ask, "Do you watch ****?"

 

There is a reason this is a “National Geographic picture of the year”. Look close

.......don’t see it ?
(Look Closer)


3

 

Amazing... Funny how the eyes play tricks...


.

 

It's natures camouflage.

 

 

I pulled into pump #3 this morning for gas and noticed the car before me had bought $3.00 worth of gas.
I had to wonder,,,,; Where the hell were they going?

To pump #4?

 

Remembering Father's Day,,,
Thank your father for creating your existence. Most likely your mother wasn't even in the mood.



I have to say the best memories of my father began with,
"Don't tell your mother"

 

It wasn't that long ago that my car wouldn't even hold two (2) $20's worth. Usually I could give the inside cashier $35 but if I was unsure I'd just hand them $30.