Humor and Clean Jokes
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you're probably in jail.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means, don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 p.m. is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say "the other day", I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. When you ask me what I'm doing today and I say "nothing", it does not mean I am free. It means that I am doing nothing today.
11. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever....
12. I run like the winded.
13. I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
14. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
15. When get up out of a chair, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
16. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just suddenly remember things and get really excited.
17. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east".
18. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Instead spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
19. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. I call those people "cops".
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means, don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 p.m. is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say "the other day", I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. When you ask me what I'm doing today and I say "nothing", it does not mean I am free. It means that I am doing nothing today.
11. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever....
12. I run like the winded.
13. I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
14. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
15. When get up out of a chair, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
16. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just suddenly remember things and get really excited.
17. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east".
18. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Instead spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
19. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. I call those people "cops".
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,714
Likes: 454
From: Indialantic Fl./blairsville Ga
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
over the last few days, I called 6 repair shops, to have my car towed to a charging station, all said said sorry my tow is down ,you see we are on a brown out and our tow truck is electric also ,,not funny sad,,cause i have been on side of road now for 3 days now
True words spoken. Costs a lot to keep someone in a bed, right? 
