I love it!

 

Remember Hollywood Squares?
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knott: That's what's been keeping me awake.
.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to ask him if he's married.
A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.
.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
.
Q. What are: 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the apartment next door.
.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom
.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
.
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

WE DO NOT STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING

 

 

 

 

.


You are what you eat? LOL






NUTS...


.

 

.


WIERD, isn't it?







It can screw up your eyes if you look too long, I say...


.

 

.


Do I have to...










.

 

 

🏠🏠People check your home insurance policy.
I just checked mine and apparently if my blanket gets stolen in the middle of the night then I won't be covered!!!!! ,😂😂

 

 

 

A police officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he saw a couple in a car in Lovers' Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approached the car to get a closer look. Then he saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately noticed a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the officer walked to the car and gently rapped on the driver's window.

The young man lowered his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"

The cop asked, "What are you doing?"

The young man said, "Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the officer asked, "And, her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugged, "Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails."

Now, the cop was totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in Lover's Lane and nothing obscene is happening!

He asked, "What's your age, young man ?"

The young man said, "I'm 22, sir."

The cop asked, "And her, what's her age?"

The young man looked at his watch and replied, "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

 

I was speeding on the highway with the music blasting having fun, when I looked in the rear view mirror and noticed the flashing lights behind me.
When I pulled over, the officer walked up to my car and said; I've been following you for 5 minutes with my lights and the siren on! Why didn't you pull over?
I looked him dead in the eye and said; My wife ran off with a cop just like you.
He said that doesn't explain why you didn't pull over!
I said; I thought you were bringing her back...

He just shook his head and drove away

 

A farmer drove to his neighbors house and knocked on the door.

A boy, about nine, opened the door.

The farmer asked “Is your mom or dad home?”

“No, they went to town.”

“How about your brother, Howard, is he here?”

“No, he went with mom an dad.”

The farmer stood there a minute shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself.

When the boy said “ i know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one.
Or I could give dad a message.”

No, the farmer said uncomfortably. .
I really wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.

The boy thought for a moment, then said “Yep, you’ll have to talk to my dad about that.

I know he charges $500 for the bulls, and $50 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.

 

 

.


Yeah, seen that before... LOL






Get it?


.

 

I'm not sure exactly how to respond 🤔.

I just walked into the house and my teenage daughter was waiting for me at the door with a big smile excited to tell me that she snapped her g string. 🫣

What she meant was that she was in music class today and broke her g string on her guitar. 🤣😅😂

 

.


Oh oh....







Someone is getting a bad grade today...


.