Humor and Clean Jokes
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,508
Likes: 34
From: VA
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
A local news station was interviewing an 80-year old lady because she had just gotten married for the 4th time and the newscaster asked her about her life and how it felt to be marrying for the 4th time at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered. “Interesting,” the newscaster thought, and then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him about her first 3 husbands, what they did for a living…she paused, and needed a few minutes to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she proudly answered that the first one had been a banker when she married in her twenties, the second one was a circus performer, a ring master, when she was in her forties, then a preacher in her 60’s, and now at 80, a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her quite astonished and asked her why she had married 4 men with such incredibly diverse careers. She smiled and explained, I married…
“One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!”
Woody
“One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!”
Woody
Senior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 8,014
Likes: 14
From: MOFN, AL, 70 miles from George
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee, and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded.
'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,
O. K.?'
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee, and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded.
'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,
O. K.?'
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 874
Likes: 0
From: Houston, TEXAS
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Carolyn, a rich blonde, Buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day,
But at night, the car just won't move at all. After trying to drive the car at night for a Week (but without any luck),
she furiously Calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a Technician to her.
The technician examines the car and finds Nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde And asks: "Ma'am, are
you sure you are using the Right gears?" Full of anger, the blonde replies: "You fool, you idiot, how on earth you could ask
Such a question? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."
But at night, the car just won't move at all. After trying to drive the car at night for a Week (but without any luck),
she furiously Calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a Technician to her.
The technician examines the car and finds Nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde And asks: "Ma'am, are
you sure you are using the Right gears?" Full of anger, the blonde replies: "You fool, you idiot, how on earth you could ask
Such a question? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."
Last edited by TerryR; Mar 11, 2013 at 01:39 PM.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee, and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded.
'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,
O. K.?'
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee, and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded.
'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM,
O. K.?'
Senior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 8,014
Likes: 14
From: MOFN, AL, 70 miles from George
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
I've got a million of 'em:
A young guy from Iowa moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in South Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Iowa, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.........'"
A young guy from Iowa moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in South Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Iowa, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.........'"
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 25,432
Likes: 648
From: Ontario
Globalization - a definition
Globalization?
This is probably the easiest rational explanation for Globalization:
A definition of globalization thatI can understand and to which I now can relate:
Question:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?
What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer:PrincessDiana's
death.Question:How come?Answer:An
English princesswith an
Egyptian boyfriend
death.Question:How come?Answer:An
English princesswith an
Egyptian boyfriend
crashes
in a French tunnel,riding in a
in a French tunnel,riding in a
German
car
car
with a
Dutch engine,
Dutch engine,
driven
by a Belgian
by a Belgian
who was
drunk
drunk
on
Scottish whisky,
Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you
change the spelling),
change the spelling),
followed
closely by
closely by
Italian
Paparazzi,
Paparazzi,
on
Japanese motorcycles,
Japanese motorcycles,
treated
by an American doctor,using
by an American doctor,using
Brazilian
medicines.
medicines.
This is
sent to you by
sent to you by
a
Canadian,
Canadian,
using
American
Bill Gates' technology,
Bill Gates' technology,
and
you're probably reading
this on your computer,
you're probably reading
this on your computer,
that
uses Taiwanese chips,and
uses Taiwanese chips,and
a
Korean
monitor,
monitor,
assembled
by
by
Bangladeshi
workers
workers
in a
Singapore plant,
Singapore plant,
transported
by Indian
by Indian
truck drivers,
hijacked
by Indonesians,
by Indonesians,
unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen,
Sicilian longshoremen,
and
trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends,
is Globalization!
is Globalization!
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
No question about it Dave,,,,,you are the funiest Canadian I know.My compliments
(and yes, Scottish whisky is spelled without an "E")
Last edited by Franc Rauscher; Mar 13, 2013 at 05:20 PM.
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 25,432
Likes: 648
From: Ontario
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Literally Beaner cannot count. LOL
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,175
Likes: 16
From: Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
....
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,362
Likes: 797
From: Central South Carolina
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
THE 'Y' CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called - The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called - The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called - Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called - Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group - Generation Y?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
Y should I do anything when I can get it all for FREE?
Senior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 8,014
Likes: 14
From: MOFN, AL, 70 miles from George
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
I'm not French (just sounds like it), but this is funny anywhere.
And, I work with people just like this...
Le papier ne sera jamais mort / Paper is not dead ! on Vimeo
And, I work with people just like this...
Le papier ne sera jamais mort / Paper is not dead ! on Vimeo
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 25,432
Likes: 648
From: Ontario
Why I Owe My Mother
Why I Owe My Mother ....
**************************************
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with
me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA ...
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING ..
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Only you folks my age understand these profound statements!!!
But, there is one missing from this list~~My personal all time favorite!!
My mother taught me about CHOICE .
"Do you want me to stop this car?"
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Training manual wisdoms;
'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal-
****************************************
‘It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
- USAF Manual
****************************************
'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur a**
****************************************
''You, you, and you ... Panic !"
"The rest of you, come with me !''
- Infantry Sgt.-
****************************************
''Tracers work both ways.''
- Army Ordnance Manual-
****************************************
''Five second fuses last about three seconds.''
- Infantry Journal
****************************************
The three most useless things in aviation are:
1. Fuel in the tanker truck;
2. Runway behind you;
3. The Air above you.
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
****************************************
''Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.''
- Naval Ops Manual -
****************************************
''Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.''
- Unknown Infantry Recruit-
****************************************
'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.'
- Infantry Journal-
****************************************
''Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.''
- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-
****************************************
''You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.''
-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-
****************************************
''The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.''
-Unknown Author-
****************************************
''If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.''
- Fixed Wing Pilot-
****************************************
''When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.''
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-
****************************************
''Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.''
-Unknown Author-
****************************************
''If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject !", the last two will be echoes.' If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.'
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot-
****************************************
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots ?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.'
-Sign over Control Tower Door-
****************************************
'Never trade luck for skill.'
-Author Unknown-
****************************************
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are:
''Did you feel that ?''
''What's that noise ?''
and
''Oh S@#*...!''
-Authors Unknown-
****************************************
'Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
****************************************
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
- Emergency Checklist-
****************************************
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; It can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) -
****************************************
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis -Montham AFB, AZ-
**************************************
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
- Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -
**************************************
'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal-
****************************************
‘It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
- USAF Manual
****************************************
'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur a**
****************************************
''You, you, and you ... Panic !"
"The rest of you, come with me !''
- Infantry Sgt.-
****************************************
''Tracers work both ways.''
- Army Ordnance Manual-
****************************************
''Five second fuses last about three seconds.''
- Infantry Journal
****************************************
The three most useless things in aviation are:
1. Fuel in the tanker truck;
2. Runway behind you;
3. The Air above you.
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
****************************************
''Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.''
- Naval Ops Manual -
****************************************
''Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.''
- Unknown Infantry Recruit-
****************************************
'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.'
- Infantry Journal-
****************************************
''Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.''
- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-
****************************************
''You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.''
-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-
****************************************
''The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.''
-Unknown Author-
****************************************
''If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.''
- Fixed Wing Pilot-
****************************************
''When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.''
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-
****************************************
''Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.''
-Unknown Author-
****************************************
''If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject !", the last two will be echoes.' If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.'
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot-
****************************************
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots ?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.'
-Sign over Control Tower Door-
****************************************
'Never trade luck for skill.'
-Author Unknown-
****************************************
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are:
''Did you feel that ?''
''What's that noise ?''
and
''Oh S@#*...!''
-Authors Unknown-
****************************************
'Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
****************************************
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
- Emergency Checklist-
****************************************
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; It can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) -
****************************************
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis -Montham AFB, AZ-
**************************************
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
- Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -
**************************************
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Harry, a first-grader, demanded that his teacher be available for a "meeting" after school.
At the appointed time, the teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher, hearing this before, had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited outside the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 times 3?"
Harry: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 times 6?"
Harry: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Not so fast. Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agree.
Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry: "Legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal looked visibly shaken.)
Harry: "Pockets"
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was ready.)
Harry: "Coconut"
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands"
Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I?' sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yup"
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Harry: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." (The principal is looking more and more amazed.)
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his *** in the fifth-grade, I got the last few questions wrong myself."
__________________
At the appointed time, the teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher, hearing this before, had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited outside the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 times 3?"
Harry: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 times 6?"
Harry: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Not so fast. Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agree.
Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry: "Legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal looked visibly shaken.)
Harry: "Pockets"
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was ready.)
Harry: "Coconut"
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands"
Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I?' sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yup"
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Harry: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." (The principal is looking more and more amazed.)
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his *** in the fifth-grade, I got the last few questions wrong myself."
__________________
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly
went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished
with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot pulled up alongside the C-130 and said, "What do you think? Bet you can't top that!"
The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130
pilot came back on and said: "What did you think of that?"
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?"
The C-130 pilot chuckled. "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked
to the back, went to the bathroom,then got a cup of coffee and a
cinnamon bun. Now,,,,Let's see you try that?"
When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing !!!
When you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing !!!
Us old folks understand this one!
The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly
went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished
with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot pulled up alongside the C-130 and said, "What do you think? Bet you can't top that!"
The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130
pilot came back on and said: "What did you think of that?"
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?"
The C-130 pilot chuckled. "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked
to the back, went to the bathroom,then got a cup of coffee and a
cinnamon bun. Now,,,,Let's see you try that?"
When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing !!!
When you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing !!!
Us old folks understand this one!