Humor and Clean Jokes
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,513
Likes: 1,152
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Bill wakes up with a monster hangover.
He cracks open one eye and sees a glass of water and two aspirins on the bedside table. His clothes? Clean and pressed.
The house? Spotless.
He heads to the kitchen - hot breakfast is waiting, newspaper laid out, and a note:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I went shopping. Love you
”
Even more confused, Bill turns to his son and asks, “What happened last night?”
The son replies, “You came home after 3 A.M.- drunk, broke a chair, threw up in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye walking into the door.”
Bill blinks. “Then… why is everything perfect?”
His son shrugs and says,
“Oh, that’s easy. When Mom tried to take your pants off, you shouted,
‘Lady, leave me alone - I’m married!’”
He cracks open one eye and sees a glass of water and two aspirins on the bedside table. His clothes? Clean and pressed.
The house? Spotless.
He heads to the kitchen - hot breakfast is waiting, newspaper laid out, and a note:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I went shopping. Love you
”
Even more confused, Bill turns to his son and asks, “What happened last night?”
The son replies, “You came home after 3 A.M.- drunk, broke a chair, threw up in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye walking into the door.”
Bill blinks. “Then… why is everything perfect?”
His son shrugs and says,
“Oh, that’s easy. When Mom tried to take your pants off, you shouted,
‘Lady, leave me alone - I’m married!’”
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 6,375
Likes: 811
From: Central South Carolina
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Amen! LOL .
Administrator / Senior Member / Retired
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,136
Likes: 1,629
From: Aurora , ILL
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged,
models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged,
models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Administrator / Senior Member / Retired
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,136
Likes: 1,629
From: Aurora , ILL
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Men have it easier then woman:
Men only have to shave their face and neck.
Men can play with toys all their life.
Men have 1 wallet and 1 pair of shoes -- 1 color for all seasons.
Men can wear shorts no matter how their legs look..
Men have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Men can buy all the Christmas gifts while shopping on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Men only have to shave their face and neck.
Men can play with toys all their life.
Men have 1 wallet and 1 pair of shoes -- 1 color for all seasons.
Men can wear shorts no matter how their legs look..
Men have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Men can buy all the Christmas gifts while shopping on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,513
Likes: 1,152
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.
The Marine was conscious and alert, and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
The Marine was conscious and alert, and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
