Humor and Clean Jokes
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
a father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's ********* and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's *********, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "i've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"no," the woman replied, "i'm with the internal revenue service."
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's ********* and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's *********, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "i've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"no," the woman replied, "i'm with the internal revenue service."
rotflmao
A Man Is Flying a Hot Air Balloon
A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to me."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to me."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Re: A Man Is Flying a Hot Air Balloon
A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to me."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to me."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
I love it! Thanks.
In return I have this little gem
It is now June of 2018. We still do not as yet have those flying cars that were promised back in the fifties but,,,,; we do have blankets with sleeves!
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: St. Cloud, FL.
Age: 76
Posts: 251
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Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
This wonderful story moved me to share it with you. It might be time that
all protestors re-evaluate their position in life.
THE UMBRELLA - A TOUCHING STORY
On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store
handing out pamphlets on the“evils” of America. I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered
her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing
voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II,
I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam All three died so a naive, ignorant,
self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country,
and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your *** and open it."
all protestors re-evaluate their position in life.
THE UMBRELLA - A TOUCHING STORY
On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store
handing out pamphlets on the“evils” of America. I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered
her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing
voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II,
I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam All three died so a naive, ignorant,
self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country,
and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your *** and open it."
Senior Member
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
This wonderful story moved me to share it with you. It might be time that
all protestors re-evaluate their position in life.
THE UMBRELLA - A TOUCHING STORY
On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store
handing out pamphlets on the“evils” of America. I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered
her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing
voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II,
I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam All three died so a naive, ignorant,
self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country,
and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your *** and open it."
all protestors re-evaluate their position in life.
THE UMBRELLA - A TOUCHING STORY
On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store
handing out pamphlets on the“evils” of America. I politely declined to take one.
There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered
her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing
voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II,
I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam All three died so a naive, ignorant,
self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country,
and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your *** and open it."