Humor and Clean Jokes
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
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From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Bob, Nora & Dan are fishing in Northern Minnesota one summer.
Dan accidentally drops his sunglasses in the water and decides to go in after them. After awhile, he fails to come up and Bob & Nora both remember Dan can't swim. Bob goes in after him and after a bit, gets the body up into the boat.
After starting mouth-to-mouth. Bob says "I don't recall Tim having breath this bad..."
To which Nora replies..."I don't think he was wearing that snowmobile suit either."
Dan accidentally drops his sunglasses in the water and decides to go in after them. After awhile, he fails to come up and Bob & Nora both remember Dan can't swim. Bob goes in after him and after a bit, gets the body up into the boat.
After starting mouth-to-mouth. Bob says "I don't recall Tim having breath this bad..."
To which Nora replies..."I don't think he was wearing that snowmobile suit either."
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 756
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From: Alabama
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Michael Jackson Sports Academy...
Boxing: https://www.ins
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Tennis: https://www.ins
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Boxing: https://www.ins
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Tennis: https://www.ins
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Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
She said, " Take of my blouse."
So, I took off her blouse.
Then she said, " Take of my pants."
So, I took off her pants
Then she said, " Take of my socks and shoes."
I obeyed and took of her socks and shoes.
Then she said, " Take of my bra and then my panties."
So, I did that as well.
And then she said, "I don't ever want to see you wearing them again!"
So, I took off her blouse.
Then she said, " Take of my pants."
So, I took off her pants
Then she said, " Take of my socks and shoes."
I obeyed and took of her socks and shoes.
Then she said, " Take of my bra and then my panties."
So, I did that as well.
And then she said, "I don't ever want to see you wearing them again!"
Last edited by Franc Rauscher; Jun 9, 2023 at 06:00 PM.
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 756
Likes: 138
From: Alabama
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
self judgment: https://www.ins
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Last edited by WD40; Jun 11, 2023 at 02:50 AM.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
A few days ago my best friend from high school sent me a 'Vietnam Veteran' cap. Even though I am a Vietnam Vet and have one of these, this one is new and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend was considerate enough to take the time to send it to me.
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress... enough of my psychological fixations.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?"
"No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?"?
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"
God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I answered as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"
"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun!
"Dude! Really?" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission." (ref 'black op')
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage."
The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with my NSA cap.
Then Monday I will go to the drivers’ license agency and wear my Border Patrol cap and see how long it takes to empty the place.
Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap.
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress... enough of my psychological fixations.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?"
"No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?"?
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"
God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I answered as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"
"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun!
"Dude! Really?" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission." (ref 'black op')
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage."
The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with my NSA cap.
Then Monday I will go to the drivers’ license agency and wear my Border Patrol cap and see how long it takes to empty the place.
Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap.
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 647
Likes: 276
From: Victor, ny
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
……..you’re so right, WD.
Slap down that 3 Grand on your Crossfire instead, and get the immediate effects of a better ride. New shocks and suspension can be Heaven sent.
Quite cheap these days with the magic of Graphics
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,506
Likes: 1,139
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf.
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big *****, the tight shorts, and the gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again.
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."
At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"
At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."
At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"Okay, let’s give it a try."
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big *****, the tight shorts, and the gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again.
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."
At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"
At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."
At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"Okay, let’s give it a try."
