A lady should be told every day that she is beautiful, that she is loved, and that she is the light of your life. It really cuts down on the whining.

 

and enough wine and you believe it.

 

 

 

With enough duplicates it does not matter.

 

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,

"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.

One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.

All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my

condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.

"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

 

.


Something in your EARS?


.

 

.


Uh oh... Hahahahahahaaaa





.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My ancestors navigated around the entire earth using the stars.

Despite GPS, I just missed my exit.... again!

 

 

 

Actually arguing with an engineer is a quick way for the HVAC to go down.

 

[img]blob:https://www.crossfireforum.org/cd72ddd0-fc86-40ff-b834-d44b5cba9c7a[/img]

Volkswagen shared a paint lacquer that would safely decorate nails while also being able to touch up any chips or scratches on the car’s paint. Paint shades included Kings Red, Lapiz Blue or Oryx White, but VW also said that the nail varnish “is specially formulated using a Fashionable Oil Overhaul Lacquer – known as F.O.O.L”.



The Best and Worst Automotive April Fools’ Jokes of 2023 | Hemmings
https://www.hemmings.com/stories/aut...jokes-of-2023/

 

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.
...
Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

 

Teacher," announced little Johnny, "there's somethin' I can't figger out."

"What's that Johnny?" asked the Sunday school teacher.

"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"

"Right."

"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Er--right."

"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again you're right."

"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed the teacher. "So what's your question?"

"What I wanna know is this," demanded Johnny. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin'?"