Guys, My wife and I just had an argument...
and...
she told me I was right!!!!!
Uhhhhhhh....

I need some help here
What do I do next?

 

Teens carjack man but can't drive 'manual' to get away:

 

THE POTATO STORY​

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.' Course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland.

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out west to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just......

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

OK! Here it is!







A COMMON TATER

 

Groan,,,,,,,!

 

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every week. He is from India and is very concerned about my car warranty.

 

• Yesterday a

 

He calls me, too!

 

 

 

Heck my XK150s owners manual told you haw to decarbonize the valves. Of course then you did not need 50 pages on fastening the seat belt. Anyone see Idiocracy ?

 

DAD JOKE:

What do you call a fake noodle...
An IMPASTA!

I can hear the groans and sounds of face plams already!

 

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; We were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it."

"Well, " said the big Croc, "What have you been eating?"

"Politicians, same as you, " replied the small Croc.

"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"

"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch the m?"

"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the **** out of them and eat ’em!"

"Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem.

You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the **** out of a Politician, there’s nothing left but an ******* and a briefcase.

 

A lot of myths exist about the amount of poop we carry around inside of us, but to make a long story short, AT MOST a healthy person making daily deliveries might contain 3 to 5 pounds RIGHT BEFORE they perform their daily constitutional.

 

Ain’t nesessarialy so.

We weighed our congressman before and after and he was packing 105 lbs………so we hung him.

 

I hope you're laughing before this 58-second video is over. Otherwise I'm not normal.

 

 

 

Best one in quite some time!

 

Much better than an ACTUAL Batman movie:
(As for his "batmobile" when was the last time you saw a 1988-1993 Ford Festiva???!!!)

 

This is my favorite way to show "modern" women that they are my equal: