Humor and Clean Jokes
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 8,471
Likes: 843
From: Upstate SC
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Here are some examples of actual logged maintenance problems, as submitted by QUANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by their maintenance engineers. (By the way Quantas is the 3rd oldest major commercial airline and has not had a fatal crash since 1951.)
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
************************************************** ****
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
************************************************** ****
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,498
Likes: 1,122
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown bag over my mouth
After drinking the contents, usually bourbon, I always feel better.
Seems to work
After drinking the contents, usually bourbon, I always feel better.
Seems to work
Last edited by Franc Rauscher; Mar 13, 2022 at 08:44 PM.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,498
Likes: 1,122
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
So,
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light
The CEO of Miller Brewing orders a Miller Lite
The CEO of Coor's orders a Coor's Light.
And the CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The others were perplexed.
"Why didn't you order a Guinness?"
" I figured if you guys weren't drinking a beer it would be impolite for me to do so."
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light
The CEO of Miller Brewing orders a Miller Lite
The CEO of Coor's orders a Coor's Light.
And the CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The others were perplexed.
"Why didn't you order a Guinness?"
" I figured if you guys weren't drinking a beer it would be impolite for me to do so."
Last edited by Franc Rauscher; Mar 14, 2022 at 01:58 PM.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,498
Likes: 1,122
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Two guys were talking over drinks.
" I heard two women were fighting over you and you called the Cops?"
" Well, yes I did!" the other responded.
"Why did you do that?"
"Cause the ugly one was winning."
" I heard two women were fighting over you and you called the Cops?"
" Well, yes I did!" the other responded.
"Why did you do that?"
"Cause the ugly one was winning."
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,498
Likes: 1,122
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
You have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready.'
The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green,
And I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar....'
Mujibar now works at a call centre.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
You have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready.'
The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green,
And I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar....'
Mujibar now works at a call centre.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,498
Likes: 1,122
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
It's okay to pretend your Irish on St Patrick's day.
After all, don't we pretend to be good on Christmas?
Happy St Pat's guys.
With the cost of fuel being higher than booze, today is a prolly a good day to approach life from a different angle.
SO,,,,; drink, don't drive.
After all, don't we pretend to be good on Christmas?
Happy St Pat's guys.
With the cost of fuel being higher than booze, today is a prolly a good day to approach life from a different angle.
SO,,,,; drink, don't drive.
Last edited by Franc Rauscher; Mar 24, 2022 at 10:02 AM.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,498
Likes: 1,122
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
I'm a 75 year old man so I do like a bargain.. The other day I saw two boxes of ammo in a rare calibre that is getting scarce so, I bought them and set them on the front seat of my Crossfire Roadster.
Stopped for gas and whilst fueling this sweet young sexy blonde leaned over, looking at the ammo and suggested a barter for sex.
I thought about it for a minute, me so old and her so young,,, so I smiled and responded, "what kind of ammo do you have?"
Stopped for gas and whilst fueling this sweet young sexy blonde leaned over, looking at the ammo and suggested a barter for sex.
I thought about it for a minute, me so old and her so young,,, so I smiled and responded, "what kind of ammo do you have?"
Last edited by Franc Rauscher; Mar 18, 2022 at 11:54 PM.
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8,498
Likes: 1,122
From: St Louis MO
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
Do you remember, before the internet, it was thought that collective stupidity was caused by a lack of access to information?
Well,
It wasn't that.
Well,
It wasn't that.
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 756
Likes: 138
From: Alabama
Re: Humor and Clean Jokes
