Humor and Clean Jokes
Senior Member
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
THOUGHTS BY
'Dale Duck'
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?'
So I said 'Implants?'
She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
I can't even get into my own pants .
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Al t Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Ya just might want to pass this along....
"In God We Trust - All others pay cash!"
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Re: The Forum Joke thread...
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your
curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you
because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
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Re: The Forum Joke thread...
A man goes to his Doctor for a check-up, and during the check-up, the Doctor asks him how things are in general, and he replies not too bad, but my wife needs to see you. What's the problem, asks the Doctor. I think she's losing her hearing, and it's making me crazy. The Doctor replies that it may not be necessary for her to come in, there's a very easy test you can do at home. It'll save you time and maybe needless expensive tests for her. Well that should be easy, tell me what to do. The Doctor instructs him to start in the farthest room in the house from where where she is at, and call her name out. Proceed to the next nearest room and repeat. This will give you an idea if indeed she is losing her hearing.
Man goes home, wife is in the kitchen, and he proceeds to the farthest bedroom and loudly calls her name. No response. He then goes to the next room and loudly calls her name. Again no response. Tries it again in the closest bedroom. Nothing! He finallly gets to the kitchen where she is preparing dinner, and calls her name. The wife looks up and says, " GEEZ HARRY..... FOR THE 4TH TIME, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Man goes home, wife is in the kitchen, and he proceeds to the farthest bedroom and loudly calls her name. No response. He then goes to the next room and loudly calls her name. Again no response. Tries it again in the closest bedroom. Nothing! He finallly gets to the kitchen where she is preparing dinner, and calls her name. The wife looks up and says, " GEEZ HARRY..... FOR THE 4TH TIME, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
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Re: The Forum Joke thread...
A mother is cleaning her teenage son's room when she sees some magazines under his bed, curious, she grabs the magazines and is shocked to find that they are S&M **** magazines. In her horror, she screams.
The father runs in, sees his wife crying, sits down beside her on his son's bed, and asks, "What's wrong?" And, pointing at the magazines in her hand, he asks, "What are those?"
The mother passes him the magazines. He flips through them, and his eyes widen as he sees some of the most explicit and disturbing S&M images his mind could have ever imagined.
The mother, between sobs, asks her husband, "What are we gonna do with this boy?"
Her husband replies, "Well, we're not gonna spank him. That's for sure."
The father runs in, sees his wife crying, sits down beside her on his son's bed, and asks, "What's wrong?" And, pointing at the magazines in her hand, he asks, "What are those?"
The mother passes him the magazines. He flips through them, and his eyes widen as he sees some of the most explicit and disturbing S&M images his mind could have ever imagined.
The mother, between sobs, asks her husband, "What are we gonna do with this boy?"
Her husband replies, "Well, we're not gonna spank him. That's for sure."
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Re: The Forum Joke thread...
As I was quite idly sitting around pondering the problems of the world, in between being glued to the TV watching the election results, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a damn. It's the tortoise life for me!
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; most days you're the hydrant. (at least it seems that way.)
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE...??????
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; most days you're the hydrant. (at least it seems that way.)
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE...??????
Senior Member
The price of gas in france
Price of gas in France
A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse ....
A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse ....
Re: The price of gas in france
Price of gas in France
A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse ....
A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse ....
Senior Member
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Disneyland
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR
TROUBLE
TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Off the showroom floor and moving down the highway, he was soon cruising at
90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing,' he thought as he flew along I-45, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him,
lights flashing, siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am
I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his
watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you
can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a
State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'
'Have a good day, sir,' replied the trooper.
Off the showroom floor and moving down the highway, he was soon cruising at
90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing,' he thought as he flew along I-45, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him,
lights flashing, siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am
I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his
watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you
can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a
State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'
'Have a good day, sir,' replied the trooper.
Last edited by syfi; 12-28-2012 at 05:14 PM.
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.
One said, "Think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy.
"What is it ?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours, and you mount
her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts
in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your
sister's."
"Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."
One said, "Think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy.
"What is it ?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours, and you mount
her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts
in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your
sister's."
"Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia
Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and
says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have
a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll
find that's a sheep, you idiot"
The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and
says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have
a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll
find that's a sheep, you idiot"
The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
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Re: The Forum Joke thread...
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over
here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how
to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box,
it's a rooster."
Her neighbor goes over to help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her
and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a
rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ...........
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how
to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box,
it's a rooster."
Her neighbor goes over to help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her
and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a
rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ...........
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
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Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Letter to husband -" you'll love the p.s.
My darling husband, Before you return from your business trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately it's not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but fortunately the pick up came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.
You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture of the damage for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XXX P.S. Your girlfriend called."
Scroll down
My darling husband, Before you return from your business trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately it's not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but fortunately the pick up came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.
You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture of the damage for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XXX P.S. Your girlfriend called."
Scroll down
Senior Member
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Check out all the statistics under the photo.
This has only been 102 years ago...Amazing!!!
Show this to your friends, children and/or grandchildren!
The year is 1910, over one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:
***********************************
The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.
Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !
The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.
The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.
Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canadapassed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
The five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2, Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
The population of Las Vegas Nevada was only 30!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !
I am now going to forward this to someone else without typing it myself.
From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD...all in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
****** 23 ADULT TRUTHS ******
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out from behind a bush, opened the back door of the cab and demanded to be taken to the airport. The cab driver kept looking back at his passenger in the rear view mirror, and she became irritated and said, "Why do you keep staring at me?" The cab driver replied, "Well, you don't have any clothes on and no place to carry any money and I am wondering how you are going to pay your fare?"
The woman opened her legs and pointed to her crotch and said, "How about me paying with this?"
The cab driver looked back at the woman and said, "Do you have anything smaller?"
The woman opened her legs and pointed to her crotch and said, "How about me paying with this?"
The cab driver looked back at the woman and said, "Do you have anything smaller?"
Last edited by syfi; 01-21-2013 at 10:28 AM.
Re: The Forum Joke thread...
Bono at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for quiet.
Then, in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
He says into the microphone, in a deep solemn voice...
"Just for a moment, think outside yourself... Outside this
arena... Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish voice from near the front pierces the moment...
"Well, ya stupid ****, stop yer fockin' clappin', then!"
Then, in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
He says into the microphone, in a deep solemn voice...
"Just for a moment, think outside yourself... Outside this
arena... Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish voice from near the front pierces the moment...
"Well, ya stupid ****, stop yer fockin' clappin', then!"