You forgot the punch line so you did not finish the entry?
Edit
I see you remembered this old boner then, or should it be old Bonoer?

 

Touche....

Yard sign.jpg

 

I thought all red blooded American gun owners wanted an excuse to blast a felon, so I can assume this is a bait sign?

 

When he's in my house.. not a problem..
When he's in your house.. see if he wants a beer and maybe watch HBO while you gather the jewelry or anything else of value...

Or maybe 48 hours would be more appropriate..

 

Four men were politely, patiently waiting their turn as three ladies gabbed at the first tee trying to decide who would hit the first ball.
Finally one of them teed up and took a swing. Just as the men had feared it went careening off the club and struck one of them.

To the woman's horror, the poor guy clasped his hands together, right at his crouch, and went straight to the ground. For a moment everyone laughed, but it quickly became apparent, the poor guy was obviously in serious pain.

Realizing his agony one of the women came over to his side. "sir" I am so sorry for you discomfort." She continued, "but, I am a physical therapist and I can ease your pain."

He shook his head and said, "No, I'll be fine."
She pressed on, "No,you don't have to be embarrassed. I am a registered professional and can make this feel much better for you." So he relented and she began.

She undid his belt, lowered his zipper and inserted her hands.

She began a soft fondlng massage which continued well over a minute
.
"There, now doesn't that feel better?" she asked.


"Yes," he said," That feels wonderful. But, my thumb still hurts like hell!"

 

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spot a red phone
and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a
million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that
the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost
is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies, " Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

 

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!

She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for you?"


The guy yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

 

HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 mens work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads ......

Bubba,
Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer.
Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls.
They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.
I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood .
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

Be right back.
Cooter

 

A South Carolina State Trooper pulls over a CTS-V going 81 in a 70 zone. As he approaches the drivers window, the nice frail old lady informs the Trooper she has a CCW and weapons in the car. The Trooper asks her to please present the firearm slowly, butt first. The old lady reaches to the door storage area and pulls out a .357 magnum revolver. She then reaches into her purse to the right and pulls out a .38 snub-nosed revolver. The Trooper asks if there is anything else, and the old lady reaches under the drivers seat and withdraws a 9mm semi-auto. The Trooper asks is there anything else, and the old lady says yes in the glove box. The Trooper asks her to get it and she pulls out a Colt .45 auto and tells him there is one in the chamber and 7 in the mag. The Trooper, stunned, asks her what she is afraid of?


The nice old lady responded 'Not a Damn Thing!

 

Two car antennas meet in a supermarket parking lot, and fall in love. Then decide to get married. The ceremony wasn't that great, but the reception............





Feel free to groan

 

NEW ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN!


Since 1960, almost every sex crime in this country has involved unregistered, unlicensed penises operated by untrained individuals who did not have to pass a background check.

Shockingly, penises often fall into the hands of underage individuals.

Women are often confronted by men brandishing penises in the dark.

No license is required in any state for a person to carry a concealed *****, which highlights the need for Federal action.

This must stop!

I propose the following:

• Bans on scary looking penises, which we shall designate as assault genitals
• Background checks to keep penises out of the hands of mentally ill persons, felons, and minors
• Limits on the ammunition available to ***** owners
• *****-free zones for 1000 yards around schools, government offices, shopping centers, parks, and places of worship
• ***** buy-back programs
• Requirements for penises to be kept locked, and separate from their ammunition in homes with children
• Strict limits on the size of ammunition feeding devices for penises
• Severe restrictions on concealed penises
• Limits on the size of penises, allowing only police and military to have over-sized, more powerful penises
• A two week waiting period before a ***** may be used
• Penises not to be allowed to be discharged within city limits
• A requirement for a person to flee wherever possible to a avoid discharging a *****
• Publication of the names and addresses of ***** owners

The time for ACTION is now.

 

I'm freaking rolling...

 

I purloined it from Muley.

 

I'm sure Sarah Jessica Parker will get over it. Ha Ha

 

A woman is out one weekend shopping at garage sales.
She comes up to one home and discovers a large ornate dressing mirrior that has a tag that's marked "Magic Mirror $50.00"
She asks the home owner about the mirror and why it's marked Magic Mirror.
The home owner responds, it really is a magic mirror.
The woman then asks, if it really is a magic mirror why are you selling it.
The home owner responds, I've used my three wishes and now I have to pass it on how I wish, so that's why I'm selling it.
The woman didn't believe a word of it but liked the mirror well enough that she bought it.
She placed the mirror in her bedroom and each day dressed in front of it.
One day she paused while getting dressed, dissapointed with her breast size, she wished that her breasts were larger.
Her wish was granted to beyond her belief, 44DD
Well she was so excited, she ran into the living room, topless, and stood in front of her husband blocking his view of the TV.
He was shocked and asked, where did you get those?
She responded it's the mirror, it's really magic.
Well he jumped up, ran to the bedroom, got in front of the mirror, dropped his pants and cast his wish, "mirror mirror on the wall make my peter touch the floor.
So his legs fell off.

 

Since 1960, almost every sex crime in this country has involved unregistered, unlicensed penises operated by untrained individuals who did not have to pass a background check.
LMDO!

 

Yea, but if they were in the military, they DID have to pass 'equipment inspection'
( just a thought : how does that work for the females in the military these days ? )

 

UH,,,,,I'm not a gynecologist but, I'll be happy to look into that.

 

Should add dana bash too, and meryl streep to jessica's club. Woody

 

I've seen that before, and it's funny ... until you consider Why chicks go to the gyno.

"I started having this awful smell a couple of weeks ago..."

"It won't stop bleeding..."

"Not sure what this nasty discharge is..."

Just sayin', you know?