A cowboy entered a pharmacy and asked the drug store manager for a dozen condoms.
The drug store manager asked "Would you like a paper bag?"
The cowboy shook his head and replied,
"Nah ,she aint that ugly."

 

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives......

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least . . .
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff!

 

I drove by many DOT work areas and saw many more out of the ditch looking in the hole and chatting (some on their digital devices) and not doing much of anything else. Sad to say those guys were getting a huge salery for doing what looked like almost (if not) nothing.

A days work for a days pay I say!


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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2am and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really?
Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

Two boys are in the hospital waiting room.
One boy said to the other boy what are you here for ?
The other boy said I'm here for a circumcision...it wasn't done when I was born.
The other boy said WHOA !!!
I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year !!!

 

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference
between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED.
I beg to differ because, there is:
When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".
And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are ... "COMPLETELY FINISHED" !!!

 

At a Wisconsin wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men here stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was almost crushed to death,but is expected to survive.

 

 

 

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Happy Turkey-Day!







Don't forget the cranberry sauce!


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I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.
I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!
It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.

People keep telling me I'm in Denial but I'm positive I've never been there before!

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.

 

 

I wonder if this car is from Turkey?

 

 

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Isn't it the truth?







Your welcome!


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